Samui is a Sad Place

Samui, a small island of joy as we have thought. Until you talk to the islanders, will you discover the local folk’s perception of this sunny southern paradise. Samui is for the broken hearted. A tattered relationship, a second woman in marriage, an abandoned life. The masseur told her own dark story, and that many have come to work on Samui from various part of the Kingdom. Just to get away from it all, just to start their small lives anew. Lonely on the island, a new job, a group of new found friends, and many with a similar relationship saga. And always the hoping for that unexpected twist of luck, of wedding that foreigner, the white prince on the Suzuki 4WD, and be brought away into another life impossible unaided.


I talked to a number of the Samuis, and many of the small resort owners have always the uncanny similarity of daughter or themselves being married to that overseas husband. Could she herself be that capable owner, I tried hard not to tarnish the sight by probing further. Wonder no more, the number of bars and their saucy workforce in the after dark of Chaweng and Lamai. They do their best to speak a different tongue. They live their fullest drinking the brew. In their nightly encounters with different strangers different nights, they forget the stories of old that drove them to their becoming. In their nightly encounters, maybe just one is what they need to make a difference.

Don’t speak, don’t listen, don’t want to know Thai. Maybe I should not have heard and kept Samui a simple happy paradise in my mind.

Typical Thai Family Day

A blog from December 2007….

Today is a holiday again. This month of December, there are two holidays and one Election Day. Election Day = holiday. When holidays coincides near to weekends, many of them Thais will return to their local village, to be with the mother, father, the truckload of family members and the famous farm buffalo. Thais are family centric and visits relatives on holidays.

We picked up gig’s mom and her gay uncle for a trip to Samut Songkram. Its another province south of Bangkok. In Singapore, we bring parents to shopping malls, dine in posh restaurants. Over here, we bring them to the seaside markets and dine in the restaurant on stilts above the sea. Her mum enjoyed throwing all the curry crab debris into the sea very much. Gay uncle is still saving for his sex operation and was happy just eating the simple steam fish.


A relative of gig’s in the village has a water front house with her own jetty and dumping river. Life is simple here where average Thais are not surrounded by the many EMF emitting gadgets in typical Singapore. Many of them still stay in beaten down homes of which some are wholly made of wood. Many of them are squatters awaiting the dreaded day of modernization. Where do they go from there but the down line of poverty. The living standards have been elevating. The average Thai salary has not.

Extreme cleanliness is not of importance as long as there is a bed to sleep and a hole to shit. Some Thais have never even seen or taken the MRT before. They live in tiny circles around their homes and villages. Ask yourselves if you are able to live in these conditions. We are spoiled brats of society that need concrete and feed on a constant source of electromagnetic waves for survival. Molded by the city state, scenes like these makes me ponder what do they do every minute of everyday. Friends that we meet back home, at least we know they stay in HDB. Friends that we make here, only a minor percentage are that of our expected social quality. We should never despise the living conditions, this is Thailand, this is what we have to expect to live here.


Don Hoi Rot, the Bamboo Clam market next to the sea in Samut Songkram. Main produce of shellfish, squid and fish sauce.


Scallops, SGD$2 for about 12 of them, BBQed simmering in butter. Didn’t know Thailand produces scallops.


Giant Otak, fish, crab or mixed seafood for SGD$0.80.


Eat the roe of the horse shoe crab. I remember, Singapore’s east coast was full of them when I was young. You can find them humping their brains out on the morning beach. Now they are extinct in Singapore.


Giant prawn paste ball. Here they use it for fried rice. Rojak does not exist here. It would be fun to fall on one of them and smell like a walking giant lan jiao for one full day.




Millions of cheap seafood…. Thai price.


Now we all know why maids hang around open spaces behind Wisma on weekends.

Getting to Hoi Lot

Firstly, I am pretty bad in giving detailed directions. I found this map on the net and modified it to show the location of Don Hoi Lot. Firstly, you did have to know how to get to Central Rama 2.

Through my years of getting lost in Bangkok, I have learned to ignore most road signs and to navigate by landmarks, the position of sun relative to earth at different times of year and the time of the day. We all know guys don’t ask for directions and navigates with a mental map marked with N,S,E,W. Gals however, are always better with zoomed in details, such as knowing at which particular junctions to turn left or right. However, gals do not know the orientation of the junction relative to Earth’s four corners. That’s why, always bring a gig or some female form when traveling. In addition, they can read Thai unlike us. With combined mental map details and arguments, you will eventually get to your destination. And… never ever use Seven Eleven as landmarks, too many of them around.

Get to that long road that leads to Central Rama 2. On that road, follow the big green signs towards Samut Songkhram passing Central on your right. Much further along this way, you will start to see the blue tourist attraction signs that indicate Don Hoi Lot. Eventually, you will reach a bunch of bridge crossings and the sign will indicate for you to cross the flyover into the city of Samut Songkhram. At that point continue to drive straight, do not turn into Samut Songkhram. Finally, just a few short kilometers after, there will be a tourist attractions sign that points left to Don Hoi Lot. Turn in to that road and continue until you see the sea. That’s it. Good luck, eat scallops till you drop.

I asked, why so many places have Don this and Don that? What exactly is a Don? Don, according to the Thais, is a raised land, something like a plateau, hill or mountain of sorts. And on this raised land, is an area of festivities such as a market, a temple or some happy thing etc. I like Don Hua Nom, they make me very happy.

i Holiday Koh Racha

A holiday too wonderful, too expensive but worth every Baht. Pay peanuts get monkey, but pay a lot, get rewards. Having a holiday now is different from when we were just tourist. I have picked up the language and so that makes holidaying in Thailand an even more pleasant experience.

Since the people think I am Thai now, when walking into shops, they will tell me to look for a covertly located price tag on their products, instead of the one smack big in the middle for foreigners. When eating out on the island, the bill is normally 50% less then that printed in the menu. But not all is good as a chameleon. I have experienced Thai looking down on Thais. I am now sometimes seen as the disfavored opposite to a tourist packed full of money in their bellies, and thus got the “transparent treatment”.

The language had enabled me to chat with the locals, the staffs and thus really dig into the cultural, and the life of the people. The bartender was bored and chatting to me was a delight for him, and so I was delighted too when I got my free Rainbow drinks as he spoke of life on the island, the Tsunami and everything else. The dead bodies of ang-mohs were like beached whales from the sea. Heavy and bloated, it took him and three other people to carry the carcasses. Back on Phuket right after the Tsunami, there were numerous looting by illegal Myanmar workers. Security guards had to work from the first day of the disaster, stationed alone in the front of their destroyed watch. In the first few nights, no one dared venture out in fear of running into translucent apparitions of the red haired tourist moon-tanning on the beach. The guards had set up altars full of Buddhas beside the lone chair where they sat, and patrolling was out of the question. Be next to the Buddha.

The beach used to be pristine white sand. But the Tsunami came in and wipe them out. The sand is gone. The rocks exposed. And what is worst is that the dead corals now wash onto the beach by the millions. Paradise is lost but nature should grind them into perfection as before, in many centuries to come.

The fishes are big and fat unlike the other islands. They are bigger then both my hands put together. They followed me in swarm as I swam and nibbled on my toes whenever I am motionless. I asked the locals why. They said I am fair and that the fish thinks I am a very big piece of white bread. Normally the locals feed the fishes everyday with leftover pastry. That keeps them coming. But I think otherwise. I think the fishes are used to eating humans from the Tsunami of 2004.

The workers on the island lived a “jailed life” they complained. After dark and after shifts, they sometimes would fish off the rocks for squid. Squid of half a kilo is common and they would gut it and BBQ over an open fire. The meat is sweet.

The island used to be farmland, but the locals now realized picking coconuts for the tourist makes so much more money. The rice farms are now reminisces of the old island life, just pools of unattended weeds and mud that the buffalos now stroll in. The laborers that took over the animals are now but fuel guzzling red mechanical tractors hauling construction materials of civilization. The islanders turned to setting up local eating joints and bars for the 300 odd employees of the resort. Some went to work for the resort. This is a small island where Thai knew every Thai.

The Thais on holiday were lawyers and university lecturers. People considered within the higher echelons of Thai society, people who could afford the stay. My cover was blown when they use very difficult Thai words and I stared blank and give the Thailand smile back at them. They guessed I was from the South, a Korean, a Japanese, from Hong Kong but never a Singaporean who has been here for only three years and could speak and behave like them.

The MD called me and we had drinks in the resort. He is an old hero bird of 18 years in Thailand, and yes, from Singapore. I lookup to him as the live I will be in a decade into the future. A seasoned experienced man of packed Sing-Thai culture, a robust, dynamic diversified and an excellent gentleman. We chatted, we partied. I died having not drank like in Newsroom Bar of MS back home for 3 years.

The limo driver was happy, and when he found I was a Singaporean jokingly said to me that Singaporeans are very good people. The resort owner is Singaporean, is very kind. Buys Benz for the drivers to drive in. He escaped the Tsunami for he was in his very fast and powerful Benz. He thinks Singaporeans are very fond of “mee-sua” and I guess his boss is crazy about that. The driver offered to bring me to eat the light noodle but I apologetically replied I prefer Thai food now.

The ang-mohs baked in the sun. The ang-mohs eat in the resort. The ang-moh walks tall and tan among the shortness of the yellow to dark skinned locals going about their duty. The chameleon walks both paths and lives the life of the people. The holiday experience is thus twice rewarding. I am Back to Bangkok’s chaotic work for now. But hey… I am still living my holiday.

Look under Koh Racha April 2007 here for photos.

Lets go Shit

There is such a place called Bang Sai. Well Bang Sai back home means Go-Shit. I just had to stop my car and take his picture. Can’t help it. Too darn funny.

Hotel Pok Pok

We normally use these hotels for a cheap stay over during our site work. It’s decent for a good nap and a shower. Of course, the original intention of the place is for others. Driving into pok pok hotels, the place will normally be of near total darkness. Then the attendant will eagerly appear like a ghost from thin air. With his torch, he will attentively guide your car over to an empty house, torch swinging excitedly. Slide your car into the porch, give the usher the THB$400 (SGD$16) and you have the room. In the next 10 minutes, he will arrive with overly size towels which are supposed to be your blanket for the night. I think the towels are not meant to keep your warm, but to wipe your eruptive cum when you are done with your bitch on bed. A lone bottle of mineral water will be provided as compliments. If you have arrived alone, he might ask if you want rabbit or chicken (in Thai of course). Rabbit means young fresh teenage girls while chicken means the more experienced older types. The toilet might have glass walls, depending on which room your take. A cheap attempt on a classy feel. It even has water running down the glass but that won’t be working as the water pump would have given up on live long ago. The shower head in the bathroom will normally be moldy old. The pipe will tension and swing the shower head to suicide position. Water spraying directly onto the water heater on the wall so you might get electrocuted when shampooing and the rabbit will rob your wallet and leave.


Translucent glass walls.. I had trouble shitting. I could see my workmates in the room. They can see me sitting and shitting. They can smell me.

An Island Not Too Far Away

I held on the steering and became one with the acceleration. I felt the graininess of the tarmac as all four 16 inches of alloys grind hard via her soles of 50. As I stepped on the gas, my limbs were one with the block. I saw the gas ignite as it compressed and finally slammed down hard on the piston face fiercely on her down stroke cycle. I was one with the purr, as the combusted swirl chanced upon the opened valve and charged away. The pull on a fresh batch of potent concoction via the low tail pressure I left behind I felt. 160 on I went strong against the aerodynamics of nature. Purred on my car, purred till she roared and I was singularity with the experience. Tore on through the fabrics of the atmosphere I did for hours till I reached the ends of earthly grounds and be greeted by the calm waters. This is life as it should be. This is car as she should be.

So anyway, while all you guys were still back home driving at a pathetic 90, cops eyeing you from behind the lalang bush, friends with the mosquitoes, I discovered a secret island here in happy land. Satthahip. A place just south of Pattaya. It was crystal clear waters and white sand beach on a nearby naval island. A place just 2 hours away. Go again I will.

Thai aircraft carrier deck.


This is where they drop depth charges as lovely gifts to submarines…. I think.


Boat ride to secret island, no ang moh in sight.


Ride on glass bottom boat on island.


Step on glass to commit suicide and bring all with you.


Lesson on snorkeling and light diving. Do not dive with full breath he said, will cause brain to explode and die or something…




Island paradise.


If only it was beer.


Seafood by beach, relax de-stress finale.

Unseen Thailand – Thai Temples

Unseen Thailand – Thai Temples



The Thai Temple offers not only a place where you can strike lottery, but also a place where you can eat and sleep. Great news for backpackers if you do not mind the occasional drifting spirits and the skeletons that they keep for show.

Thai people when traveling, often likes to stay in temples for they do not charge you, but instead accept a donation of any amount that you will give. However, it is not to be taken advantage of as the amount of donation given is inversely proportional to the likelihood of being strike by lightning on a clear day. In a common village temple, you get to sleep in the big hall with most likely wooden floor. The toilet is literally a hole and like most Thai places, the flushing system is a bucket of water with an algae infested floating scoop in it. Sometimes when you are doing your output process, a really huge spider will stroll across the walls or a giant gecko will be watching you like a pervert camera hidden.

Meals, you get to taste real Thai food, most likely in buffet style. The caretakers will cook and layout the spread on a common table. Just pick what you want and feast. After that you could have a smoke anywhere you want, maybe even join the smoking monks, but do respect the temple and not to treat religious ornaments as giant ash trays.

Some well funded temples in the northern region offers near 3 star hotel services. It is really a hotel like building they constructed. Run by volunteers and you sleep in rooms for 2 with attached toilet that has proper heating and flushing facilities. There is commonly a pantry area where you get free flow of coffee. You need to book in advance by calling the temple up. Most Thai tour groups stay in such places. And again, pay any amount you want. From what I heard, on group tours, the organizers pays only THB$50 (SGD$2) per room per night. It is most likely they will never strike lottery in this and their next three lives.

To repay the kindness for sheltering you, wake in the morning and offer the monks your service by washing up dishes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the toilets or catching that hidden pervert gecko. Once seen on TV, in Australia, a Thai person on tour went to a scarce Thai temple there and stayed over as well.

Things I never knew. A holiday that never ends.

Bangkok Bus Ride

Just like in Singapore, many donkey years ago.....

• Bus stop has no sign indicating what bus comes here.
  
• Bus stop…. Very very dark.
  
• Bus no air con. Not surprised.
  
• Bus don’t stop fully so u had to run and climb aboard. Have not done this for 20 plus years.
  
• Bus floor made of wood!!!!!
  
• There is a conductor on bus. They have a magic tin can that contains everything. Coins, notes, bus tickets… and it goes clank clank clank.
  
• Realized that bus fare went up by 1 baht. It is 7 baht now.
  
• Engine very loud and big, beside driver at front of bus.
  
• Got small little fans attached all over ceiling twirling round and round.
  
• Must press button to stop bus. Just like Singapore… so this is normal.
  
• Got no idea when to press button because can’t see and dunno where the blardee bus stops are ahead. So… anyhow press.
  
• Bus do not stop fully for you to alight… so have to dismount and run abit due to momentum of heavy body fats.
  

Budget Village Tour

A “Moo Barn” in Thailand refers to a village. Like in the past days of Singapore where we used to have kampong communities, the people here socialize a lot in a simple unsophisticated manner. Urbanization killed the unsophisticated human nature of Singaporeans. Although Bangkok is now a jumble of unorganized concrete and wooden housing, each area has their own hidden boundary of a kampong village. Almost once a month, some guy in the village will organize an outing, much like the Community Centers in Singapore organizing a budget road trip. I was on several of these budget tours with the Thai “Moo Barn” people.

First of all, chaos is an inherent nature of such tours. The bus seats are always almost definitely less then the people going. This is Thai nature. More people going means more profit for the organizer and any issues with seating can be sorted out with some simple jokes and ah-mahd-relak-jac approach. That means three people sharing two seats or some standing or sitting on the floor board and major seating re-arrangement, much like pieces of a chess game thrown all over the chess board. Being a spoilt Singaporean used to systematic treatment of every conceivable service in Singapore, this put my rage into 6th gear on VTEC roar and they had to persuade me to withdraw my furious request for a full refund and not to try perform an alien examination probe with my camera tripod on the organizer. The comforting thing to note is that on such tours, the buses are of a rather luxurious standard. A double deck air condition coach goes for about 15,000 baht (SGD$600) per day. And the holidaying monks always get the good view seats upfront.

Almost every appointment is late in Thailand. This is again Thai nature. So the bus started one and a half hour late and I am supposed to hold my cool and forgo the lost holiday experience time. The bus trip to KL from Singapore means perfect timing of your bladder with a single toilet stop on a 5 hour journey. Any toilet request is usually rejected by the lao-ah-beng driver whose excuse is a scheduled timing to follow. Thai bus trips however mean one toilet stop once per hour. I liked it. I do not need to enlarge my nostrils and strenuously filter the nicotine out from natural air.

On a trips like this where the destination involves rough remote roads to Mae Hong Son, there usually involves two modes of transport. The journey to Chang Mai was 9 hours. We had breakfast at one of the many rest areas where the restaurant owner pays the bus driver a “commission” for stopping by. Following a stuff food down my unawake digestive system session in the early morning, we switch to 10 seater vans to commute the rest of the journey. Such vans are rented at about 1,500 baht (SDG$60) per day with driver. The journey reminded me of the old roads behind Haw Par Villa known as juap-sar-wan (13 bends) back in Singapore. The Mae Hong Son road is jip-cheng-buay-ba-lam-par-wan (1800 XX bends). It was like traveling in a washing machine on wheels. Six more swooshing hours on a 400km road through the mountains. The view was exhilarating and at the same time breathtaking as the wheels rolled near the cliff edge. Up, down, left, right we went, I swore the contents of my scrotum were 15 percent horizontally further apart and more then 20 degrees vertically offset from each other. When we reached midway for lunch in one of the mountain villages, I believe I have achieved the medically impossible feat of swapping positions of whatever orbs I had between my legs.

We made several stops here and there along the way, all part of the tour route. Normally such budget tours will bring you to anywhere along the way where it says “Tourist Attraction” on the map. Occasionally, there will be the waterfall or hot spring stops but these are quite rare. Natural wonders are usually quite deep and involve some trekking. Not wanting the tour group to progress into a mass funeral for the 70 percent middle-aged to old folks on board, tourist attractions means temples, temples and more temples situated next to the roads. Those are where you can cremate any of the 70 percent conveniently, just in case.

Daylight means hectic 30 minute stops here and there. Once it started to turn dark, we were shipped to our lodging area. Now in Thailand, how you judge an accommodation by its name is always almost certainly wide off its mark. Maybe it could be the nation’s bad grasp of English. Maybe it is intended deception. Hotel equals compartmentalized and more then a single level. Anything standing on its own surrounded by grass equals Resort. Huay-Nam-Lin Resort (Pond-Water-Pouring Resort). Expecting a boutique hotel style surrounding and seeing the reality that this place looks like the old Institute of Mental Health 20 years ago in Singapore almost turned me into one of the actual patients.

And again. There were more people in the tour then the number of rooms booked. Village Budget Tour means free-riders, friends of organizer. Village Budget Tour also means more people more profit resource shortage and worry later. Accommodation like these cost only 500 baht (SGD$20) elsewhere but I spent an extra 1500 baht (SGD$60) to open up a room myself. Public extortion by the resort owner. It was way too expensive for this Huay-Nam-MyAss Resort but I really do not want to sleep in the tour-packaged non-air-conditioned longhouse with 10 other strangers. I do not want a shared toilet that lights goes out without warning. And I really do not want to share a bed with some uncle because there was shortage.

We were served dinner in Styrofoam boxes and water was bottled. And they turned the water supply off at 10pm without warning me, a sweaty meatball not bathed. Resort my ass. But hey, get used to it. This is Thailand. So I spend the night bathing out from the water used to flush the toilet bowl. The meteor shower in the night sky soothed my ridiculed dignity. Welcome to Thailand, I told myself, a land where unimaginable holiday service is possible.

Photos - Here under Mae Hong Son

Thai Village Encounter – Death Anniversary

Gig (gig is a Thai thing) asked me to go with her to some isolated strange out of this world province where her relatives are for a “festival”. And so I agreed.

Drove 5 hours in me Volvo, following a busload of aunties to finally reach a village. Was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by scorched farms (because of drought), cows, buffalos, chickens and all the things u can find in Babe the movie. Temperatures soared high as usual, and me perspiring in my underpants.

Then came a very colorful village lorry, those that are powered by a lawnmower and which hogs up single lane roads real well. The mechanical snail was fully loaded with amplifiers, drums, guitars, electric generators and all that seem to come from another parallel dimension. It parked outside the house. And at about 4pm, three kampong teens clad in bright orange boarded and started what sounded like Guns & Roses gone really really really bad. Those sharp strange melodic tones woke me out of my wobbly melt in the sun mode instantly. They call it E-San music and apparently it is very popular in the rural areas. U can even get to see their MTVs on TV. It is song and dance from another age.

Then came along an old guy, reeking of bad alcohol, and he started dancing and terrifying a toddler that was initially standing in front, amazed by the band. I thought it was strange, but what followed was even more alien. Aunties came out of the house and people from the village emerged and followed. Soon, the whole road was filled with about 200 dancing souls of all ages. All seemed to be hypnotized by the tune and in a state of trance, hands performed twirling motions and bodies swinging in rhythm. My jaw was then reaching the floor as I stared with bewilderment.



The procession started and they danced, transverse the road for a good few kilometers as I followed and snapped away on my Canon. In front of the crowd, leading, was an aged woman, hugging a grayed photo of an old man. And so I realized, this was a death anniversary of my gig’s grandfather.





They reached the village entrance, passed what look like small white church with a high chimney, and proceed onto the main road blocking traffic and all. They didn’t care. I asked what the small house was and got replied they burned dead people in there. They have personal village crematoriums.





Occasionally there were oncoming traffic but they had no choice but to slow and ginger their way through the crowd. Men, women, children, all dancing to music so loud u can hear in the next village. Some were already drunk from downing beer as they danced. Village law enforcers holding crude wooden batons were out patrolling and keeping order. It was rowdy and raunchy. Fireworks were let off interrupting Guns & Roses from time to time. Sweets and money were strewn high into the air, falling on a crowd of children who scrambled for them.

It went on forever, and after one and a half hour, gig’s mother came in a van and said she was going to visit some relatives in the next village. We boarded and sat behind on a truck that followed, leaving the procession behind.

Droved passed farms, rivers, and dams till we reached our destination. This village produces silk cloth. They grew particular tress which leaves serves as food for the silk worms in their wooden hut and almost every house has a weaving machine made out of wood in them. As they talked and I wondered around, one of the relatives plucked some really strange fruit from a tree and ate it. Gig came and did the same, but shoved it into my mouth instead. And soon, she was plucking different crop from different trees, all shoved into my mouth. I was afraid to offend the relatives and so I consumed. They tasted sweet on the inside, but I did have to overcome the taste of dust, mud and maybe even insecticide from the exterior first. No joke… u can taste mud on first bite. I did not wanted to eat I am not an overgrown silkworm.

After sundown, we returned to the village. The procession was over, the musical lorry parked outside the house. But, the band was still playing, and people were still dancing. They never got tired. Had dinner, went to a temple next door which strangely had an open-air cinema set up. People swarmed in from surrounding villages for the event.

Power failure - whole village in chaos. Guns & Roses stopped. People under the influence displeasured and began creating trouble. More villagers whom held crude wooden batons beefed up security. Drunken motorcyclist arrested and held in custody in house premise (gig’s uncle is a police). Struggle occurs then followed by fight. Heard baton go “bish bish bish” and then suspect wailing. More police came and arrested two people suspected to be on drugs.

Power restored after an hour. Watched a Thai movie, sitting on the floor. Didn’t pay a single cent because families involved with this “festival” sponsored the event. Bought freshly BBQed cuttlefish from makeshift stall setup around the temple and ate as I watched. Guns & Roses played in the distance. 11 pm movie finished. Watched live Thai boxing in temple. See village kids as young as 10 years old thumping the life outta each other on the ring. 12 am, tired, go back home. Guns & Roses still playing to the crowd outside the house.

Cant sleep.. too noisy. Guns & Roses stopped but cinema and boxing continued till morning. Didn’t sleep well as cheering and movie was still on. Should be about 6am then. Movie stopped and maybe the boxing kids bled to death. Finally……. PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can sleep. 5 minutes later… Guns & Roses started. Went to the toilet and brushed my teeth with anger, cant get no decent sleep.

Procession started again and they danced their way to the temple. Monks came and they had their rituals and rites. It did not end until about lunchtime. It was time for us to return to Bangkok and so we bid farewell to all. We left for our long distance return trip, stopping along the way at some attractions. Guns & Roses was still playing.



Full photo sets at cllim photography.