What’s good in Chok Chai Farm tours?

Bulging inviting butts.




Anyway, Chok Chai steakhouse is 200km away north after Saraburi. Other then spending most of your eyeball time on the guide’s lower distraction, you get to see how milk is made.




They also have a petting zoo there… pet the animals… not the butt.

Little Gems Beyond Pattaya

The nearest beach party found on the mainland of this kingdom is about 150km away, south west and is well known. Agogo nudes performing strange tricks, famous Walking Street, nice expensive resorts, party till dawn, drink till drop – Pattaya, the commercial seaside town where thousands of tourist flock to per month.

I hate Pattaya waters however and am more of a guy in search of the crystalline. Just about 30km further south, you will be greeted by the town of Sattahip. The entire area is military run, so expect to see scores of barracks, military structures and entrances with always the sentries on guard. It’s a pity not to know Thai and not realizing that these encampments are actually opened to the public. And in there, you will find scattered patches of paradise.





Though the beachscape is not a pristine white, the inviting clarity of the water is enough to blow you away. It is surprising that the water could be so different just next door to Pattaya, which is murky. There is an island opposite where you can reach by a boat ride. They have bottom glass boats there to view the corals. The sand there is powder and white.





Don’t expect to find those luxurious expensive and exotic treatments of Pompeii here, but enjoy only the slightly overpriced simple food (for a Thai), the hut without air conditioning and of course the basic foot massage on the rental beach chairs. You can enjoy sail boating, canoeing, the banana boat and I saw parasailing.

Drive there with a Thai friend and he will be able to bring you to most of these nice short shorelines after speaking to the locals and finding out where best to go. Most of these gems are hidden and located deep within the military compound. It’s worth it and it’s not too far from Pattaya if you are already there.

I was there for work, but every morning I woke early to have breakfast on a different beach.

In the Navy

If you say Navy, like how we say it (nae–v), Thais have no idea WTF you are talking about. They pronounce it na-v. Sattahip is a weird place. The whole district of about 300 square KM is military controlled. Almost every shop be it restaurants or karaoke is run by a military personnel. I go to the sea every morning to have my breakfast and let my eyes feast on the mountains and the sea. I could see the bottom of the sea and the fishes two meters deep. I consider these clear waters.

During my many nights with the bunch of admirals, commanders and captains, we talked many. Submarines, Singapore have, so Thailand must have. Asked if they fear some Singapore submarine is now lurking just off the sea planning a hostile takeover of all karaoke business, they said what they do not know, they do not fear. So, Singapore subs can linger all they want around the sea and land themselves whenever, to enjoy THB$700 per shot Pattaya girls. Fact: During joint naval exercises with Singapore, Pattaya is a must stop, with the Thai officers leading the group of Singapore island color wolves deprived. THB$700 prices… pop till they drop.

THB$700!! I don’t believe. So in the middle of the night, they bought us through a discreet alley that lead to the sea. This is no Pattaya but in Sattahip and the prices only go lower. And oh yeah, true enough discreetly over the sea, end of the discreet alley, we found a discreet fish tank business. The discreet price for foreigners like me is THB$1,000 but hey, for the locals its THB$500. Still not believing my ears, I sent my solider (technician) into war, sponsored. Yipee-yay-yea. Its true but the discreet session was only a discreet 30 minutes. To top the discreet charts, was that he had to take a cable car from the chicken coop to the rooms. The short ride over the sea cost another THB$20 return. Incredible…. Amazing Discreet Thailand.

Samui is a Sad Place

Samui, a small island of joy as we have thought. Until you talk to the islanders, will you discover the local folk’s perception of this sunny southern paradise. Samui is for the broken hearted. A tattered relationship, a second woman in marriage, an abandoned life. The masseur told her own dark story, and that many have come to work on Samui from various part of the Kingdom. Just to get away from it all, just to start their small lives anew. Lonely on the island, a new job, a group of new found friends, and many with a similar relationship saga. And always the hoping for that unexpected twist of luck, of wedding that foreigner, the white prince on the Suzuki 4WD, and be brought away into another life impossible unaided.


I talked to a number of the Samuis, and many of the small resort owners have always the uncanny similarity of daughter or themselves being married to that overseas husband. Could she herself be that capable owner, I tried hard not to tarnish the sight by probing further. Wonder no more, the number of bars and their saucy workforce in the after dark of Chaweng and Lamai. They do their best to speak a different tongue. They live their fullest drinking the brew. In their nightly encounters with different strangers different nights, they forget the stories of old that drove them to their becoming. In their nightly encounters, maybe just one is what they need to make a difference.

Don’t speak, don’t listen, don’t want to know Thai. Maybe I should not have heard and kept Samui a simple happy paradise in my mind.

Typical Thai Family Day

A blog from December 2007….

Today is a holiday again. This month of December, there are two holidays and one Election Day. Election Day = holiday. When holidays coincides near to weekends, many of them Thais will return to their local village, to be with the mother, father, the truckload of family members and the famous farm buffalo. Thais are family centric and visits relatives on holidays.

We picked up gig’s mom and her gay uncle for a trip to Samut Songkram. Its another province south of Bangkok. In Singapore, we bring parents to shopping malls, dine in posh restaurants. Over here, we bring them to the seaside markets and dine in the restaurant on stilts above the sea. Her mum enjoyed throwing all the curry crab debris into the sea very much. Gay uncle is still saving for his sex operation and was happy just eating the simple steam fish.


A relative of gig’s in the village has a water front house with her own jetty and dumping river. Life is simple here where average Thais are not surrounded by the many EMF emitting gadgets in typical Singapore. Many of them still stay in beaten down homes of which some are wholly made of wood. Many of them are squatters awaiting the dreaded day of modernization. Where do they go from there but the down line of poverty. The living standards have been elevating. The average Thai salary has not.

Extreme cleanliness is not of importance as long as there is a bed to sleep and a hole to shit. Some Thais have never even seen or taken the MRT before. They live in tiny circles around their homes and villages. Ask yourselves if you are able to live in these conditions. We are spoiled brats of society that need concrete and feed on a constant source of electromagnetic waves for survival. Molded by the city state, scenes like these makes me ponder what do they do every minute of everyday. Friends that we meet back home, at least we know they stay in HDB. Friends that we make here, only a minor percentage are that of our expected social quality. We should never despise the living conditions, this is Thailand, this is what we have to expect to live here.


Don Hoi Rot, the Bamboo Clam market next to the sea in Samut Songkram. Main produce of shellfish, squid and fish sauce.


Scallops, SGD$2 for about 12 of them, BBQed simmering in butter. Didn’t know Thailand produces scallops.


Giant Otak, fish, crab or mixed seafood for SGD$0.80.


Eat the roe of the horse shoe crab. I remember, Singapore’s east coast was full of them when I was young. You can find them humping their brains out on the morning beach. Now they are extinct in Singapore.


Giant prawn paste ball. Here they use it for fried rice. Rojak does not exist here. It would be fun to fall on one of them and smell like a walking giant lan jiao for one full day.




Millions of cheap seafood…. Thai price.


Now we all know why maids hang around open spaces behind Wisma on weekends.

Getting to Hoi Lot

Firstly, I am pretty bad in giving detailed directions. I found this map on the net and modified it to show the location of Don Hoi Lot. Firstly, you did have to know how to get to Central Rama 2.

Through my years of getting lost in Bangkok, I have learned to ignore most road signs and to navigate by landmarks, the position of sun relative to earth at different times of year and the time of the day. We all know guys don’t ask for directions and navigates with a mental map marked with N,S,E,W. Gals however, are always better with zoomed in details, such as knowing at which particular junctions to turn left or right. However, gals do not know the orientation of the junction relative to Earth’s four corners. That’s why, always bring a gig or some female form when traveling. In addition, they can read Thai unlike us. With combined mental map details and arguments, you will eventually get to your destination. And… never ever use Seven Eleven as landmarks, too many of them around.

Get to that long road that leads to Central Rama 2. On that road, follow the big green signs towards Samut Songkhram passing Central on your right. Much further along this way, you will start to see the blue tourist attraction signs that indicate Don Hoi Lot. Eventually, you will reach a bunch of bridge crossings and the sign will indicate for you to cross the flyover into the city of Samut Songkhram. At that point continue to drive straight, do not turn into Samut Songkhram. Finally, just a few short kilometers after, there will be a tourist attractions sign that points left to Don Hoi Lot. Turn in to that road and continue until you see the sea. That’s it. Good luck, eat scallops till you drop.

I asked, why so many places have Don this and Don that? What exactly is a Don? Don, according to the Thais, is a raised land, something like a plateau, hill or mountain of sorts. And on this raised land, is an area of festivities such as a market, a temple or some happy thing etc. I like Don Hua Nom, they make me very happy.

i Holiday Koh Racha

A holiday too wonderful, too expensive but worth every Baht. Pay peanuts get monkey, but pay a lot, get rewards. Having a holiday now is different from when we were just tourist. I have picked up the language and so that makes holidaying in Thailand an even more pleasant experience.

Since the people think I am Thai now, when walking into shops, they will tell me to look for a covertly located price tag on their products, instead of the one smack big in the middle for foreigners. When eating out on the island, the bill is normally 50% less then that printed in the menu. But not all is good as a chameleon. I have experienced Thai looking down on Thais. I am now sometimes seen as the disfavored opposite to a tourist packed full of money in their bellies, and thus got the “transparent treatment”.

The language had enabled me to chat with the locals, the staffs and thus really dig into the cultural, and the life of the people. The bartender was bored and chatting to me was a delight for him, and so I was delighted too when I got my free Rainbow drinks as he spoke of life on the island, the Tsunami and everything else. The dead bodies of ang-mohs were like beached whales from the sea. Heavy and bloated, it took him and three other people to carry the carcasses. Back on Phuket right after the Tsunami, there were numerous looting by illegal Myanmar workers. Security guards had to work from the first day of the disaster, stationed alone in the front of their destroyed watch. In the first few nights, no one dared venture out in fear of running into translucent apparitions of the red haired tourist moon-tanning on the beach. The guards had set up altars full of Buddhas beside the lone chair where they sat, and patrolling was out of the question. Be next to the Buddha.

The beach used to be pristine white sand. But the Tsunami came in and wipe them out. The sand is gone. The rocks exposed. And what is worst is that the dead corals now wash onto the beach by the millions. Paradise is lost but nature should grind them into perfection as before, in many centuries to come.

The fishes are big and fat unlike the other islands. They are bigger then both my hands put together. They followed me in swarm as I swam and nibbled on my toes whenever I am motionless. I asked the locals why. They said I am fair and that the fish thinks I am a very big piece of white bread. Normally the locals feed the fishes everyday with leftover pastry. That keeps them coming. But I think otherwise. I think the fishes are used to eating humans from the Tsunami of 2004.

The workers on the island lived a “jailed life” they complained. After dark and after shifts, they sometimes would fish off the rocks for squid. Squid of half a kilo is common and they would gut it and BBQ over an open fire. The meat is sweet.

The island used to be farmland, but the locals now realized picking coconuts for the tourist makes so much more money. The rice farms are now reminisces of the old island life, just pools of unattended weeds and mud that the buffalos now stroll in. The laborers that took over the animals are now but fuel guzzling red mechanical tractors hauling construction materials of civilization. The islanders turned to setting up local eating joints and bars for the 300 odd employees of the resort. Some went to work for the resort. This is a small island where Thai knew every Thai.

The Thais on holiday were lawyers and university lecturers. People considered within the higher echelons of Thai society, people who could afford the stay. My cover was blown when they use very difficult Thai words and I stared blank and give the Thailand smile back at them. They guessed I was from the South, a Korean, a Japanese, from Hong Kong but never a Singaporean who has been here for only three years and could speak and behave like them.

The MD called me and we had drinks in the resort. He is an old hero bird of 18 years in Thailand, and yes, from Singapore. I lookup to him as the live I will be in a decade into the future. A seasoned experienced man of packed Sing-Thai culture, a robust, dynamic diversified and an excellent gentleman. We chatted, we partied. I died having not drank like in Newsroom Bar of MS back home for 3 years.

The limo driver was happy, and when he found I was a Singaporean jokingly said to me that Singaporeans are very good people. The resort owner is Singaporean, is very kind. Buys Benz for the drivers to drive in. He escaped the Tsunami for he was in his very fast and powerful Benz. He thinks Singaporeans are very fond of “mee-sua” and I guess his boss is crazy about that. The driver offered to bring me to eat the light noodle but I apologetically replied I prefer Thai food now.

The ang-mohs baked in the sun. The ang-mohs eat in the resort. The ang-moh walks tall and tan among the shortness of the yellow to dark skinned locals going about their duty. The chameleon walks both paths and lives the life of the people. The holiday experience is thus twice rewarding. I am Back to Bangkok’s chaotic work for now. But hey… I am still living my holiday.

Look under Koh Racha April 2007 here for photos.